Cyrena’s Confession Corner: Where Stories Unfold
You have issues. Ooof… no, thats harsh. Not a great way to introduce the series. We all got issues. Ehhh…. still not what I’m looking for.
Thinks for 30 minutes
I have problems just like many of you.
I could have deleted those first two sentences for a perfect introduction of my confessional series. Lets be real with one another though. Perfection doesn’t exist. So why pretend like it does?
I am going to be as real as real gets with you during this series. I want everyone to realize that as perfect as someones life may look through social media, they aren’t perfect. They have issues too.
Please enjoy my confessional and I hope you learn something from it.
I hate to break the news to you all but I am not as active as you think. Confession #1, I am lazy.
Yes, I work-out…well… I try.
When in High School, I was a cheerleader, high jumper, hurdler, softball player and played volleyball for fun occasionally. I was incredibly active and worked out literally EVERY day, even weekends. I didn’t need to workout at home.
Once High School ended, I started college, had a job and continued playing volleyball for my church once a week. My parents encouraged me to go to the gym with them but that didn’t last long for me. It lasted longer for them than me but it even ended for them too.
Then I went to University of South Florida my junior year. I joined a sorority, held leadership positions there, studied hard for school, had a job and even joined an honors society holding an executive position. Occasionally I’d go to the gym with the girls, but not very often. I tried working out with my best friend and that lasted all of 3 days.
Now I am graduated and I am trying SOOOOO hard to stay committed to working out. Right now I have zero excuses as to why I am not. I have no job (Thanks to the Corona Virus), I have no commitments (Another thanks to the Corona) and have no events to be coordinating if attending (Social distancing, ya know). So, why won’t I work out? Because I am lazy and much rather sleep in til 12:30, sit with my coffee and Tik-Tok for 3 hours, work on a puzzle and watch TV all day. OH! Can’t forget food. I eat a lot of food.
Now you may be saying, CYRENA IT’S JUST WORKING OUT! That doesn’t determine your laziness. Well, listen my friends. Working out was just an example of something I can’t bring myself to do over sleeping and watching TV. I have cancelled plans to hang-out with friends and missed great events ALL because of LAZINESS.
Now I honestly feel a little better now that I have confessed all of this but something else would make me feel even greater! Fixing it. Maybe even boosting myself a little after all that self-shame.
I took steps last week to improve my energy. For example, instead of eating dinner and going straight to the couch, I do the dishes with my mom. Instead of watching TV all day, I work out while watching TV. Instead of avoiding conversations so I can sleep or be lazy, I’ve started conversations and forced myself to continue them. Laziness is a habit that I WILL beat.
Now to hype myself up! Although I am lazy, I am also proactive! How am I both? Good question. Have you ever taken a personality test and been conflicted with which answer is MORE you? Just depends on the day and how you feel. Same thing with my laziness. The more commitments I have, the more proactive I am. I become more energetic when I have more on my plate! So I am proud of those days! Let’s turn every day into one of those days!
Don’t feel alone. I beg of you! Laziness is something a lot of people (especially millennials but not just them) struggle with. We have too many items that encourage laziness without actually “encouraging” it. If you know what I mean (phones, television, computers, xbox, etc).
You can stick with me on this journey by following my Instagram: Cyrena_Sky and Subscribing to my blog!
Thank you for allowing me to confess one of my wrongdoings. I hope this shows you that you are not alone in this problem and with strength, which you all have, we can get through this!
Which of these platforms are you addicted to?
Netflix? Comment a red heart!
Disney Plus? Comment a blue heart!
Hulu? Comment a green heart!
Amazon Prime? Comment a yellow heart!
Apple TV? Comment a black heart!
I am addicted to Netflix and Disney Plus! Not only am I addicted to these two platforms but I am addicted to eating while being on these platforms… I know, I know, I know. I am terrible. This is more than a confession though ya’ll. This is to help you too! I’m gonna have a list at the bottom of everything I have watched and been watching during quarantine! This way you can make the decision to join me in this addiction or be more proactive. The choice is yours…
Gosh, that’s so terrible of me! But you can have self-control. I have confidence in you!
I decided to tell this confession because I have wrestled with this outside of the Coronavirus too. I do remember a time when I was not addicted to tv shows. I was obsessed with something else though! In middle school, I LOVED Xbox. I was a “Gamer Girl”. Not ashamed! I guess you could say, I have had an intense love for the television, whether it be for games or shows for a very, very long time!
You know when you have a problem but you don’t want to fix it because you enjoy it? That’s me with TV. I know its bad to watch it all day long and it is even worse while eating but I JUST CANT STOP. I DON’T WANT TO STOP.
It has to happen though. How am I going to do this you ask? GREAT question! This is how:
- Watch TV while being proactive.
- Ex: Do laundry, cook, exercise, etc
- Can’t watch television 30 minutes before bedtime.
- Have a couple days of the week where I can’t watch TV and have to be outside all day.
- Ex: Tanning outside, photoshoot, write outside, play with my puppy, etc
As of right now that is all of my solutions, if you have any let me know! I could use all the help I could get. ALSO don’t forget to comment which platform heart you are! descriptions are at the top.
I am truly hoping this will help me feel better because not having a job is just TOO relaxing! Im tired of being too relaxed.. Didn’t think I’d ever say that! I hope you all are doing well, staying safe, social distancing and keeping a healthy routine!
Thanks for reading my second confession and I look forward to seeing your comments!
TV Shows to watch:
Legacies (Sequel to Originals, which is the sequel to Vampire Diaries)
The Haunting of Hill House
Grace and Frankie
The Beauty and the Beast TV Show
Dead to Me
Love is Blind
Lucifer How to Get Away With Murder
Left Behind Series
Falling Inn Love
I am Legend
A Simple Favor
A Quiet Place
Birds of Prey
Five Feet Apart
47 Meters Down Uncaged
This is a short one. I don’t need to talk myself into feeling bad about this one because I have fixed the problem before and I WILL do it again!
I BITE MY NAILS UNDER STRESS OR BOREDOM.
Now I’m not talking about stress from work or life. It’s from movie or tv show stress. Like when the murderer is walking up the stairs SOOOO slow and you are just begging the person upstairs to just do anything but what they are doing!! That’s when I start biting my nails.
When I’m stuck inside my house due to a pandemic and have nothing else to do besides bite my nails like crazy.
So I have already fixed this problem. When I’m busy at work and living life to the fullest I don’t bite at all! Actually my nails never looked healthier when I was working on the ship.
I’m going to get right back to it though. You should too! Find whatever it is that makes you bite your nails and put an end to it! If you don’t bite your nails, no need to brag!
I hope y’all enjoyed my confession for the day!
This is something kinda new to me. Not going to lie a little bit of a touchy topic for me to talk about. But here it goes. I have anxiety.
My closest friends know this already because they had to deal with me through a traumatic time. My anxiety decided to come out and play when my grandfather was diagnosed with brain cancer.
For those who don’t know, my grandfather was diagnosed with lung cancer before this. They removed his lung and the cancer seemed to be gone. He still had a terrible time breathing but he was alive.
After being diagnosed with cancer a second time I felt like I could just see in my Poppy’s face that he was done. He just had a look of defeat. His eyes were scared but tired. His smile was still there but not as frequently. If you know him, you knew his smile. I knew the smile he kept putting on in the hospital was not real. It was for us.
The thought of him no longer being on this planet made my heart hurt. This pain wasn’t like heart burn or chest pains. It was like someone was legitimately ripping my heart out over and over again.
In front of people, I’d be silent. If my poppy joked around, I’d joke around. Other then that I’d much rather sit in silence to make sure nobody knew how much pain I felt. As a grand-daughter I though I didn’t have the right to feel that way because that wasn’t my dad or my husband.
This pain would eat away at me.
I had to go back to Tampa for school after finding out the news. They reassured me that he was going to be okay until I came back. They would let me know when to drive back if necessary. I kid you not, every morning when I’d look at my phone my heart would be racing. Just wondering when was it going to be the day I get that text or call.
I did get that call from my Dad one morning. Telling me I should head home to be with family. So I did. My poppy passed away not too long after I returned to Palm Bay. I was home for a while for the funeral and what not. But I still had school to return to. So I went back to Tampa. I tried to be normal. I tried to take deep breaths when I was getting anxious.
But one day before my sign night (a party a sorority has when you turn 21), I felt like I couldn’t breath. I wanted to call my mom, she didn’t answer. I wanted to talk to my grams and poppy. But Poppy wasn’t there anymore and Grams didn’t answer. I tried so hard to keep it together but I couldn’t. Finally my grams called me. She calmed me down a bit but then I started crying about Poppy. I was hyper ventilating and I just wanted to die. My mom calls in the middle of this. My grams told me to talk to her. Now I’m freaking out more. When you are in your comfort zone you feel like you can just let it all out, right? My mom is my comfort zone. So I let it all out. But for some reason after I let it all out I still could stop hyperventilating. I couldn’t catch my breath. I thought my world was falling a part for no rhyme or reason. I was literally just doing my hair for a party when this all happened. That’s it.
Eventually everything was okay and I enjoyed my sign night! It was an amazing night. These break downs were happening more and more so I saw a counselor and all that fun stuff. Got diagnosed and have been working at it ever since. I told you this is really touchy topic for me. I’m sorry to be brief during this part but this is awkward for me to talk about. It took me days just to write the part about my Poppy. A lot of it I stole from my very first post on Facebook about his passing. My words, my writing! No copy-write here! I just have a hard time forming my words with the two topics.
The point to this is, we are all broken in different ways. People who present their social media like they are rich, beautiful, happy and living a luxurious life, could actually be living in a world they don’t feel like they fit into. They might have depression. They might be in an abusive relationship. They may hate themselves. They may also have that life they are showing. You NEVER really know.
If you feel broken, know that you can put those pieces back together one by one. You just have to work on it. It takes time but it will be well worth it in the end.
I hope this shines a light for those who struggle and those who don’t look past the social media. I’ve mentioned before, these confessions aren’t for pity from y’all. They are here for you to realize that I’m just like you. I’m human. Let’s be human together and just work to better our lives and become positive influences for each other! That’s how we get through live, TOGETHER
WOW! The day is not even over yet …
I am at the pharmacy picking up my mom’s prescriptions. The lady ask, “Aren’t you Mary’s grandkid?”. I replied, “Mary Kesin, Yeah!”. She was actually friends with my grandma. She mentions how she reads my blog occasionally, which by the way, thank you so much for reading! I told her that I haven’t been writing a ton lately because I am running out of things to talk about. WELL… let me tell you! I got something to write about today.
I had to drop off a few things from my apartment at the storage unit today. I get into the unit and I put the mop, vacuum and duffle bag in. I go back to my car to get my Keurig and a few extra mop materials. I am in the unit attempting to put everything away neatly. As I put the mop material down the Keurig is still in my hand.
Let me just point out that I did not separate the Keurig from the drawer that holds extra K-Cups. They are not attached to one another. They are just relying on me to keep them together.
Back to the story.
I get ready to put the Keurig down and it begins to slip. The drawer lands diagonally on my pinky toe… THE CORNER YA’LL. The corner hits my poor pinky toe. The Keurig itself hits the top of my foot but I luckily put my hand down to catch as much as a I could. That luckily saved the top of my foot from getting hit too hard. BUT my pinky toe… is hurting pretty bad! As I try to not scream my head off, I look down and now I am bleeding!! Why me I think to myself…. Why!
I take my one shoe off because the strap goes right over where I am bleeding. At this point I am more worried my brand new shoe not getting blood on it. I hobble to my car and hope nobody sees me. I get home and hobble a little more inside. My mom and dad are both just looking at me as I walk slowly in with a shoe in one hand and the storage key in the other. “Did you loose a shoe?” my mom says. “How was the trip to storage?” my dad says.
It was just FANTASTIC! (throws keys on counter) I explain what happened and of course my dad laughs and my mom goes and grabs the peroxide.
Then it all comes together! I complained about not having anything to write about and what does life do for me? Well, it gives me something to write about. Thank you, but next time could you make it a little less painful? I’d appreciate it!
I began the day by clinking my glass of sparkling apple juice with my mom, followed by my dad. As I sipped on my juice the thoughts that ran through my head were all over the place. What would my job be? Who will still be in my life? When will I succeed? How can I make money? What is next for me? Who is for me? If you thought those were the only questions, you’d be wrong. I had many, many more. As my thoughts came to an end so did the cheers and “Happy New Years”.
Friend: “Lets play cards!”
Me: “Oh Heck Yeah.”
Of course the thoughts were still there. They were just pushed to the back of my mind so the competitive card player in me could come out to play! I almost won by the way… almost! Those questions came back as I headed to bed an hour later. I just needed some sort of resolution before knocking out. Unfortunately under a lot of stress, lack of sleep and anxiety, solutions were not coming to mind very easily. I woke up and went through the day and… still haven’t come up with any.
I think the real problem is a New Years resolution won’t solve anything for me. Let’s be real… nobody has ever completed one of those. Comment below if you ever have though! That is super awesome and CONGRATS!
My issue is I no longer know exactly what I want. Shoot, I don’t even know who I am at this point. I just graduated with my Bachelors Degree and all the way up til now, I’ve known exactly what I want, when I want it and how I am going to get it. Now I am at a loss. If you want to know all about identity crisis and how life after college is, click this. (If link isn’t active, It probably isn’t posted yet!)
Instead of coming up with a resolution for the year of 2020 and putting a time limit on it, I am going to spend as much time as needed learning about myself. What I like, what I don’t like, where I want to be and who I want to be. I feel like there is no specific time I should give myself for that. Honestly, you should probably take a look at your list of resolutions right now and think about them. Are you going to do that task because you gave yourself a year and you have to or because you want to. You have to want it and give yourself the time that it needs. Sometimes you just need to forget about time all together and just ride with it.
Anyhow I’m not an expert, thats just my opinion! Well, it is getting pretty late and I am exhausted from thinking. Good Night Ya’ll!
So we have reached a new decade. This is a perfect time to see what I accomplished in the last decade. Everyone is doing this, so I thought I would join the party. DECADE CHALLENGE. 10 years ago! Back to the day of January 1st 2010. “How old?”, you ask. I was 11 years, 5 month and 29 days old… I was 4200 days old… I was 100800 hours old… I WAS 6048000 minutes old.
Always have to be dramatic. You know me! Here we go:
- 1st place in The American National Championship in the category of stunts (I was a flyer)
- I shot a pistol with my dad for the first time
- I won Homecoming Queen for Little League football and cheerleading
- I graduated from elementary school
- Dressed as Jasmine, my favorite Disney Princess, for Halloween
- Cut my hair to look like Selena Gomez
- All I can think of at the moment…
Nor sure what happened in 2011
- Went to Key West for the first time
- I sang in a talent show and then 🤮
- On January 12th, we lost my very first pet, Rocky Balboa O’Brien.
- We got our first dog, Mocha Cappuccino O’Brien
- My little cousin Brody was born
- My Nana passed away
- The only sophomore to make it on the High School Varsity cheer team
- Became besties with my bestie hanner
- Bayside won all but one game the whole season! (Never happened again)
- Went to my very first concert! Cody Simpson
- Then my second concert, Taylor Swift!
- Came up with the greatest hand shake of all time with my best friend❤️
- Won something at the Titusville Film Festival
- Became Cheer Captains with my Bestie
- Won some stuff at the Titusville Film Festival
- I graduated from Bayside High School
- Started College at Eastern Florida State College
- Saw Shawn Mendes for the first time, front row!
- Saw Meghan Trainer in concert
- Made my first and last Triller… y’all probably have no idea what that is at this point. It’s TikTok but older.
- Started to become close with my bestie Max
- Saw Wicked The Musical for the first time!
- Did my first sunrise bible study
- Saw a Dalmatian for the first time!!!
- Realized my little cousin Tristan was taller than me😭
- Had my grandparents surprise 50th Anniversary party
- Watched my childhood BestFriend graduate from high school
- Went to Key West with the family
- Saw my ultimate favorite band for the 1st time! Twenty One Pilots!
- Saw Shawn Mendes for the second time
- Went to Halloween Horror Nights for the first time
- Went to my first Comic-Con
- Graduated with my Associates Degree.
- Got accepted to University of South Florida
- Started my Bachelors at USF
- Moved into my first apartment with my BestFriend
- Made my first home cooked meal by myself
- Went to my first college party (a Pike party… very scary lol)
- Wrote one story for the USF Newspaper, “The Oracle”. Didn’t really like that job.
- Became a waitress
- Joined a sorority!
- Got my amazing Big, Miranda and Twin, Chloe.
- Got the position as Ritualist (sub-committee)
- Jumped into the ocean off a boat, miles and miles and miles out! Like where shark are!
- Went to a club for the first time! Successfully did not get roofied
- Did my first backflip on a trampoline
- Died my hair blonde
- Got an internship with Focus Magazine
- Tried escargot for the first time.. GROSS
- Went to Disney’s Not So Scary Halloween for the first time
- Won our flag football season!
- Saw Twenty One Pilots for the third time!
- My Poppy passed away
- Got an internship with WFLA Daytime
- Got my three beautiful Littles! Sierra, Jordan and Allyson!
- I also got a G-Little, Devin!
- I got my Boy Big, Alec as well!!
- Received a committee position as Fundraising chair in my sorority. Raised over $50,000 for Preventing Child Abuse in America
- Coached a fraternity for Putting On The Hits with my little Allyson (Choreographed MOST of it by myself-I am not a dancer… so that’s GOOD for me. We also got 1st!)
- I rode a mechanical bull for the first time (20 seconds, I think)
- Went to Gasparilla. A pirate parade in Tampa
- Went to the hospital for the first and second time ever… kidney stones and broken toe…
- Volunteered at Feeding Tampa Bay for the first time
- Was in a wing eating contest. Found out my gag reflexes suck worst than I thought…
- Met Time-flies on accident
- Saw 3OH!3
- Went on my first cruise and second cruise!
- Went out of the country for the first time to Bahamas, Cozumel, and Grand Cayman
- Met Stephen Amell (The Arrow)
- Met Lana Parilla ( The Evil Queen in Once Upon a Time)
- Turned 21!!!
- Did Goat Yoga for the first time
- Rode electric scooters for the first time since I was 6
- Became a part of the Executive Board for National Student Leadership Society
- Became an Alum for NSLS
- Became a Sigma Delta Tau Alum
- Graduated from USF with Mass Communication Bachelors Degree
- Moved out of my apartment back home to Palm Bay to figure out my life
- wrote my first blog post
- Applied as a Flight Attendant for Delta and….. 50 other jobs hahaha!
I feel like even while starting the decade at a young age, I did pretty darn good! I participated in so many philanthropic events that I didn’t include because there was way too many. I also probably left out a bunch of things that I am sure my mom will point out in the comments! Share your most memorable moment from the last decade in the comments!